Day one.

Your circle may decrease in size but increase in value

The internet

Let’s rewind.

It’s been about 10 years since I wanted to do this writing thing and finally it’s a GO!

The men, the sex, the jokes, the life.

I’m in my 30’s and yeah, I have single friends, I have married friends, family and associates but it seems like either my typical storyline of a life or that I am actually asleep as an actress on some Lifetime movie or a game show. The spectrum is broad.

Everyone says I have thick skin, a broad back, I’m stupid(for doing what I do), I’m brave, I’m too nice, I’m too pretty, I’m petty, I’m everything. But to me, I’m just something else.

I have been through alot in my life. Childhood was an emotional rollercoaster and it still taunts me to this very day. The men whom I’ve come into contact with, have either stayed on as a friend, fuck buddy, enemy or whatever.

It’s hard for women out here to find a good man. I’m not talking biblical here. I’m talking about the fact that we are in 2019, and men still do not understand how or what women want and need.

I mean, the man I want should be emotionally charged yet stable, confident, sexual, funny, have a job, have a clue. He doesn’t have to be fat or thin, since I’m really not shallow and discriminating.

The guys I have been with may seem like alot but I can’t say that I am a numbers person because 1. It’s hard to keep track 2. How many times do I have to share my personal experiences with someone until they finally stay.

The answer for #2, and it took me a long time to see this is, every time but pace it.

People who come into our lives are here for a reason. I firmly believe this. They teach us what we are supposed to do to either make us stronger, kinder, simpler, more vulnerable, less vulnerable, the list goes on.

The people who came into my life taught me all of these things and more. Especially how to be much less before I really give in.

My problem is that I am aware of how I should be treated yet I do so much shit. My girlfriends are constantly down my guts for me to have some more self respect and self love.

I do respect myself and of course I love myself but I still keep doing the same shit, just from different angles. Its a work in progess to stop.

One of my best friends, Jo, even said to me, whenever someone rejects you, and you are as kind and warm as you are, there is something wrong with them, it has nothing to do with you. And she’s right.

Jo and I have been friends for over 16 years, in fact all of my friends have been around me for 10+ years. Yes they may be few, but quality not quantity guys, remember that. We all have our ups and downs but there is nothing like my friends, my true day one. People whom I’ve grown up with and as the universe will have it, we have been through hell and came right back. I would suggest to everyone reading my blog to search for your true friends. Like REALLY invest some time to determine who they are, your life may be in for a change because of these special people.

As for the men, all I have to do is to keep it pushing. Keep on being me, because that’s all I can really only be. I was never in the practice of being fake and by having good people around you tends to mould you to not be shady and untrustworthy.

It’s because of the people around me that I have not ended up in jail or some psychiatric ward.